I guess I’ve grown a little bit frustrated; with myself really. I had set out about six months ago to write my addiction and recovery story, hopefully to get published, but also to help maybe even one person. The thing is, and this post probably won’t prove it, but I’m a really good writer. Actually, I’m a great writer. I’ve never doubted I would get a book published, but I also string it along without being completely dedicated to any one story and then nothing gets completed. My excuse? I run a full time business, work out every day, run two blogs(write on three), and recently started a promotions company with my fiance. Not to mention dogs, recorded television shows, movies, riding around with friends, etc. I just don’t have any time. But that’s hardly an excuse, and trust me, I’m the first one to acknowledge that fact. I once watched an interview with Toni Morrison who shared that she would work a full day of work and then come home, make dinner for her kids, get their homework done and put them to bed. Only then would she begin to write. In another interview, I read that Stephanie Meyer, author of the famed “Twilight” series, only wrote after her kids went to school for the day. So really, there are no excuses. And the sad thing is that I have two books almost finished already, “Suicide Birds” and “Lip Stick Kids”.
But no, I feel that I have to complete my autobiographical study of my addiction and my recovery, which is actually the story of my treatment, beginning and ending on the day I entered and left the facility. I feel that I need to get it out; purge it from my soul. I think it’ time. The book had started out being called “Mirror Mirror”, and was going to compare the recoveries of my mother and myself, side by side, much like our addictions. But after pulling out her notepads, scraps of paper and old letters, I realized it was just too much of an undertaking right now. First, I had to tell my story.
So tonight, I find myself rereading some of my favorites, two actually, to help me get inspired. Funny, that the books I chose, “Last Night at the Lobster” by Stewart O’Nan and “Stargirl” by Jerry Spinelli, are quite short books. And strangely enough, both books are from two completely different voices and points of views; Stargirl sharing the hilarious and endearing hopes of a young girl who can inspire all of us, while Lobster is focused on the closing of a Red Lobster during a blizzard a few days before Christmas, told by the hopeless, lost romantic Manny. Yet both make me want more, more, more.
And that is what I must find. And that is why I am so tough on myself. Instead of just writing it out, getting it down on paper, I stop, close shop and don’t trudge forward into the blizzard of the book. And I’m not a believer in writer’s block, I think that’s just some excuse for not being willing to write what is truly honest in your soul.
So maybe I just needed to get inspired again. Maybe I needed to listen to the characters from my stories, who live in my mind and in my dreams, come alive again. Yes, I think I can hear her now…Little Ruby….”I love you Peter, make your dreams come true”, she’s whispering, holding the side of my ear, pulling on the lobe, as she laughs.
And I laugh back, because it’s good to hear, and so so true…make ’em happen! Because we’re on borrowed time as it is!
And if you know a publisher, literary agent…whatever will make my dreams come true a little quicker…please call! Ruby and I will be waiting!