Birds and Fluff…


This one will ramble, but if you’re a first time reader, bookmark this, it gets as good as cold pizza!

Tonight, I was reading over the statistics of my blog, much of which I don’t even understand, when I started looking at the number of hits for certain topics. It was amazing to me that the top three issues, in this order were heaven, Laird Hamilton and psychics. After months of writing this blog and focusing on issues such as grief, love, relationship issues, addiction and therapy, I was surprised that these were the topics most readers were interested in seeing. And the numbers were by a landslide, not just a few over the top.

So I started thinking about why readers might be interested in these issues and why I was interested in these issues enough to write about them. First of all, Laird Hamilton is easy for me. I’ve recommended his book, Force of Nature, to so many people, I’m surprised my friends haven’t started describing it as my new Bible. If only I followed the suggestions in the book so closely as he does, I might enjoy the same life as Laird. So why is he so interesting to us? Well, first of all, no matter your interest sexually, anyone can admit he’s gorgeous, but not in a conventional way. I think he’s gorgeous because he is free and he lives his life as such. A married surfer with children who does what he wants when he wants it. He eats healthy, promotes living a great life and making the most of his life. If you don’t know much about Laird, I encourage you to Google the hell out of him, post his pictures in your mirror for inspiration and read his website; Laird Life, which tells his story but also encapsulates his strategy for life! On this website, which is mostly written by his wife, famed volleyball player Gabby Reece, there is even a ten point lesson learned from surfing title, “Wisdom of the Wave” which cannot be missed, including put things in perspective, keep learning and be determined! Laird is a complete inspiration for living. I’m a believer that we need role models and mentors, people to whom we aspire and who we can learn from. These people can be older or younger than us and we don’t even need to know them personally to grow from them naturally…

I think people are interested in Psychics because they either want to learn more about themselves, which they probably already know, or they want to learn more about life after death; or heaven. In either case, we probably go searching for all the wrong reasons. I know I went with my friend who wanted to just have a “fun experience” and we both got more than we expected. (You can read about this in earlier postings.) I have received so many calls and messages about my psychic experience, asking me where to find Dave the psychic, how much he was, etc. But what has been even more interesting to me is that a lot of people know right away it is an experience which they shouldn’t be part of, and usually not for religious reasons. They often tell me that they might find out more than they want to know. And I believe, we should only ask for information when we are ready. We should know the limits to what is healthy for us to deal with at any given moment and set appropriate boundaries. I don’t think psychics are for everyone. When I first started telling the story of my experience, I was a little embarrassed and didn’t want to tell anyone, but now, I don’t care. I only have one life, as long as I live it well and am accountable and responsible, the rest is really my business.

Which brings us to heaven. For years and years I read books about the after life. From Elisabeth Kubler Ross to Betty J. Eadie. I scarfed down Sylvia Brown and watched any movies about heaven including some of my favorites; “Defending Your Life” and “What Dreams May Come”. And my mother sat back and laughed the whole time. “It will get easier as you get older”, she’d say. “You won’t be so afraid as you get older. It will be a comfort.” And then she died at 64, really not that old at all. And it became easier. And I was less afraid. And I guess it’s strange that through my own mother’s death, I became certain after life, especially being in the same room with her, holding her hand as she passed away. It was deep and sad and overwhelming…but it was awesome as well. And I remembered years before, when my father, who is a surgeon, told me the two most amazing parts of his job were when a baby was born and when someone died, because you could actually feel the coming and going of a soul. And that is heaven. I don’t doubt anymore. I just live. I try not to question or live my life for something that, if I’m wrong, what does it really matter anyway. I’ve had too much evidence of something more.

Several years before my mother died, we were driving to some random riverboat casino when we decided that if one of us should die before the other one we would leave a sign, to let the other one know we were thinking of them. My mother said she wanted to be a piece of that white fluff that floats around outside in the spring and summer. I said I would be a cardinal, red wings soaring through the air over the trees in the neighborhood. We both agreed it didn’t really matter and got back to discussing the hilarity of Britney Spears mother writing a book about motherhood.

And then she died. And the day after her funeral I pulled out of my driveway into a cloud of that white fluff, swarming everywhere. And as I drove off through that cloud, I spotted, 2, 3, 4…so many cardinals out on that early summer day that it was incredible.

And maybe it was just birds and Fluff, but I don’t think so. I think that the birds and the fluff are what make up the best of our world. Dreams. What we so desire…Laird Hamilton, Heaven and Psychics, wanting to know what is in store for us…wanting some directions and some guidance, wanting inspiration…and then I remembered, WAIT! That’s what I do for a living.

And then I remembered that today at the bank, my teller, who always writes little motivational notes on my stubs, wrote, “Find a job that you love and you’ll never work a day in your life.” And then I remembered the call I got from one of my favorite clients who told me that she didn’t need to come in anymore because her trip home went so well and she didn’t have any outstanding issues. And I realized, life’s pretty good. I have hope. I have a roof over my head, I have Laird Hamilton to aspire to…and I have this stupid old blog to spin out my thoughts, even if no one is listening…and maybe, just maybe, I’ll tag it with some crazy things that people will read just because their searching the web for answers, you never know.

It all makes sense somehow, even if the numbers don’t add up. One day seems longer than the next. June turns into September way too fast. One day your dancing in the kitchen with your mom to the soundtrack from Oklahoma the next your holding her hand at 35 in a hospital room as she passes away. Some days a book is so good you can’t put it down but six months later, you can’t remember the title. 5 becomes 11 turns into 17 turns into 23 and then 30 and then 42 and then 50 and then 65 and then boom. And then today, I’m sitting at my friend Tonya’s kennel as she and her 3 year old nephew are dancing to the music and looking for spiders in the fireplace with a flashlight and I’m wishing I was little again. And then I look over at Tonya and realize, you don’t really ever get old, not in your mind. You just have to hold on forever. Forever. Because folks, we’re on borrowed time as it is…

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