Turning walls into roads…

Recently, I’ve been allowed the opportunity to try so many new things and meet so many new people that I’ve realized I’ve missed out on this most of my life. I don’t know that I would necessarily term myself a recluse, but I would definitely describe myself as careful. Through the years, I’ve had so many people gossip about me or say things that are rather hurtful that I’ve learned to become somewhat guarded, placing one stone upon another until there has grown a wall between myself and the outside world. Until now. Everything in life is perspective.

Walls not only keep people from hurting you, but they keep you from meeting other people and possibly experiencing their intellect, humor, love and perspective. Yesterday, someone asked me how I had learned to deal with gossip or hurtful statements and I referenced the poet Maya Angelou, who stated that when people talk about you, you aren’t in that. Just because they talk about you doesn’t mean it has anything to do with you. It speaks more of who they are then who you are. She also said to be careful because people will tell you who they really are, so trust what they tell you. And some people won’t come right out and attack you, but take bits of you, little by little. A part of your nose, a slice of your ear, until you’ve been destroyed and didn’t even realize it happened. Therefore, you can’t give negativity power; you must only live your life, enjoy, and remember the things that are really important. The small things. Standing in the sunshine with people you really care about, smiling…

So at this point, I’ve learned to change my perspective on that wall. I’ve turned it sideways and realized that it’s not really a wall at all, but rather a road leading me to some destination way in my future, meeting colorful characters along the way, enjoying truck stops, rest areas and vistas that will enrich my life. How funny things become when you realize how something you’ve seen for so long, can actually be seen another. And because I’m attempting to change this attitude, it doesn’t change overnight, I’ve been allowed to meet new people, experience new things and open myself up to new emotions and feelings.

Because after all, those are the things will remember in the end. I was just sitting outside in front of my condo, thinking that it looked like it might rain tonight. And I remembered my mom standing in the rain, dancing, singing some Bob Dylan song, spinning, spinning, spinning. Completely unguarded, which wasn’t really how she lived. And that is what I remembered. And that’s how it should be. So I think it’s time for me to lay down a few more stones on that road and begin walking…because we’re on borrowed time as it is…


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