We don’t have the perfect relationship; not even close. But we’re learning. And I think that’s what it’s all about. Love. At my cousins wedding, I was asked to read something and I wrote a short story specifically for she and her husband. It was titled Moira’s Mystical Tea and discussed the spells that bind a good relationship. I spoke how it wasn’t about true romance, passion or undying obsession, but really enduring each other through difficult times and building a strong foundation at the beginning to rely on when times get tough. I still believe this, but sometimes, it is difficult to practice. You see, I believe in fairy tales. I’m not sure quite where it began or how it came to be, well actually, that’s not true. I know exactly when it happened. I’m always a sucker for a good challenge and when an ex told me that there was no such thing as a fairy tale romance, I think I set out to find it, exactly two seconds after I told him to pack his things and hit the road.
Since then, I have had many people tell me that there is no romance like in the movies, but I still refuse to believe this. I’m a dreamer I guess. But I do believe you can have bits and pieces of the fairy tale from time to time. Look at the really strong relationships you know of and you will find those pieces. Alex gives me a lot of those pieces at times, even though I probably don’t tell him enough. I know I don’t tell him enough. But we’re still working on building that foundation and it gets stronger every day even through the many tough times we’ve already had.
What is often sad to me when working with clients with relationship issues is they are no longer even trying for a small fraction of the fairy tale anymore; they’ve settled for the climax relationship where they find themselves just hanging on to whatever is left instead of looking for new ways to make the relationship work. I’ve almost lost Alex a few times and I think he realizes that he’s almost lost me a few times too. But I hope we’re past that. When we are having an argument or a tough day, I try to remind myself of what I know is true and good between the two of us. How he often makes me feel safe and needed, or just a smile he gives me from across the room or how he looked on our last trip looking out at the ocean. He’s a dreamer too, although he would never admit it. I see the passion in his eyes. Dreamers know dreamers. And more than anything, he tolerates my craziness.
When you lose someone, like I’ve lost my mother, everything speeds up and becomes very real. Friends and lovers are no longer just people we encounter in our lives, but heart stones that carry a part of ourselves with them. Alex would define me as intense. And he is absolutely correct. And I don’t apologize for it. I can’t remember the exact line or what movie it’s from, but I love it nonetheless, “I’d rather have a moment of wonderful than a lifetime of nothing.” And I agree. Because we never know when it will be over. And we’re on borrowed time as it is.
And even though he will doubt me when he reads this, I guess I’ve found my fairy tale. In the way he sleeps on his stomach next to me, or going out to eat and sharing appetizers, or dreaming about our move in the future together, or watching him read and watch television, or how he laughs at something random I say. Or how he challenges me in arguments and rarely backs down and how he is overprotective of me…or how he always texts me good nite if we aren’t together. This is really what I want. I’ll always want more, and he knows that about me. It’s how I’m intense. But, why should we settle. Things can always be better, right? And I know a few things about him too. And I like that.
In every relationship, we should know what we want but work together to come to a common understanding. He allows that and I’m working on it. Hell, we’re all a work in progress. I think I want a familiarity.
Today we were taking a spinning class and halfway through the class my face was completely soaked. I looked over at him and he handed me a paper towel. The fairy tale. And he probably didn’t even know it. And I guess I don’t know how I can be the fairy tale for him either. Every one of us gives up way too easily in relationships without fighting for what we know could be good. And as I look at that picture of him standing on the beach in Miami, I’ll always remember how we sat later that night at an outside table watching people, laughing and talking about how one day we would maybe live there. And it was perfect…